Eva Menagerie Special: Two of a Kind
by Tereya
Summary: Shinji and Asuka get to spend more time together! Two questions though, "Why" and "What could possibly go wrong"
1. Chapter 01

Eva Menagerie Special: Two of a Kind (Chapter 1)

Disclaimer: I don't own Eva, please don't sue.

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Shinji's dream slowly faded to black, the ending credits starting and giving acknowledgement to people like "Pineapple Sausage Pizza" and "That Old Bottle of Juice He Found In The Back Of The Fridge." For some reason the music playing was an old Irish jig. Shinji vowed, even before waking fully, that he'd start watching what he ate before bed.

The last remnants of Shinji's unconsciousness faded with the quick joke scene at the end of the credits depicting one of the more pominent characters in his dream (a rough and rowdy pirate chimp named Cecil) performing his monologue to a theater of rude brine shrimp.

Waking finally and opening his eyes, Shinji sighed.

'Poor Cecil... he followed his dream only to be ridiculed by brine shrimp. It's... a metaphor for life.'

A metallic rattle sounded loudly through the room as he moved his arm.

The sound grabbed Shinji's attention much like the handcuff grabbed his wrist, with unrelenting force.

"Wha-"

"Guten Morgen, baka-kun" Asuka piped cheerfully.

"A-Asuka!? What are..."

He froze, his eyes on his right wrist where a silver handcuff was locked securely around it.

"Wh-what's going on?" he asked quietly. The whole situation was so bizarre that he wasn't sure if it was actually happening. Taking in a bit more of his surroundings he found that he was still in his bed, wearing the same attire he went to bed in the night before... but had the addition of Asuka kneeling next to his bed, her left wrist handcuffed to his right.

Asuka sat up slightly and placed her hands in a position in front of her as though she were delicately holding an invisble box. Shinji's hand was pulled up along with hers, the links between handcuffs being fairly short.

"Well, let's just set that aside for now." she said pleasantly, moving her "invisible box of 'what's going on'" off to the side and pretending to dismiss it.

"Huh? But..." Shinji started.

"Perhaps I misspoke." she interrupted with a bright smile, "I meant to say..."

All pleasantness in her face was suddenly replaced by unconditional anger, highlighted by a piercing glare that seemed to add volume to Asuka's next statement, "Mind your own business!"

Her words were like the growl of a feral animal and Shinji realized he had never been so scared of anything in his life as he was of Asuka's wrath at that moment.

Her face turned pleasant again and with a warm smile she said, "You know, we have school soon. We should probably get ready.

Shinji stared at the redhead he was currently handcuffed to. He wanted desperately to ask again about what was going on but was far too afraid to even broach the subject. He was pretty certain it WAS his business... but couldn't bring himself to argue the point.

The young boy glanced down at the handcuffs and tugged on them a bit. Asuka's hand moved but it was obvious they were not coming off. He slowly came up with a question he hoped would be able to slip under the radar.

"Uh... can we take these off?" he asked cautiously, shaking his arm and letting the metal links rattle.

Asuka's face remained pleasant but it was pretty apparent it was forced, "Actually... no."

"...why-"

He was cut off with another of the dark, penetrating glares and stopped his questioning. He felt as though he found the boundaries of conversation in regards to the handcuffs.

"Uh..." Shinji spoke quietly, at a loss for words or an idea of how to proceed.

Asuka appeared to be in, what would be for her, considered "evening attire." She wore a loose-fit yellow t-shirt and a pair of blue shorts.

"You should probably get dressed, baka, you can't go to school like that." Asuka stated.

Shinji blinked a few times and glanced at Asuka's clothing, "Wh-what about you?"

The smile Asuka kept on her face unnerved Shinji. Something was strange about the whole situation but even more so with Asuka's control of her emotions and expressions. Frankly, it creeped Shinji out.

"I'll get dressed when you're ready. We'll have to sneak you into my room so Misato doesn't notice." Asuka paused thoughtfully then continued, "breakfast might be a problem though. If she's up just sit on my left side and we'll keep our hands under the table."

Shinji stared at her again. Her little plan had answered one of Shinji's questions; whether Misato knew of this.

"But... I don't know if I can eat with my left hand..." Shinji lamented quietly.

This earned him another glare and Asuka growled, "You want Misato to find out about this?" she held up her hand, dragging Shinji's along with it, up into his view. The handcuffs gleamed in the morning light filtering in through his curtains.

"N-no... I guess not..." He wasn't sure if he did or not really. He thought maybe Misato had a key and could unlock them but was too afraid to mention that to Asuka.

Shinji figured since he knew so little about the situation he should probably just do what he normally did... follow orders until everything was resolved.

The smile back on her deceptively pretty face, Asuka prodded once again, "Come on, baka, up up, we need to get ready for school."

Shinji removed his covers and slid over to the edge of the bed. With a quick glance at his shirt, then down his arm and up Asuka's arm, he was pretty certain he had found a stumbling block Asuka hadn't thought of.

"Asuka..."

He was interrupted by a very serious Asuka, "I'm not taking a shower with you, handcuffs or not." she said sternly.

"No... no... I... kind of figured that." he said quietly, "No, I was going to say..." He paused.

"I can't get my shirt on or off."

Asuka froze.

Shinji could see the wheels turning in her head as she glanced at his shirt, then down his arm.

"Scheiße!" she hissed, then began glancing around his room.

Suddenly seeing what she was looking for she shot up and dragged Shinji over to his desk by his arm.

Shinji yelped and slipped off the bed, landing on his side with his arm in the air. An increasingly loud "Auuuugh!" escaped his throat as he was dragged to his desk on his right side, sliding over the carpet on his right thigh and hip.

"Shut up, you want Misato to come in here?" Asuka hissed.

"But-" Shinji's excuse was cut short as Asuka snatched the scissors from a container on his desk and held them up between them.

Shinji swallowed loudly.

Asuka, seeing Shinji was quiet again, glanced to his closet and unceremoniously yanked him over to it. Shinji, for his part, yelped again but was able to keep the noise to a minimum.

Asuka expected to dig around to find Shinji's school shirts but frowned when she realized that was about all he had in his closet.

"What the heck? Are these all your clothes, baka?"

Shinji, sounding a bit insulted said, "Well, no... I have some underwear and socks-" he was cut off however with a glare from the fiesty redhead.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't answer at all."

Shinji didn't have time to react to the statement however as Asuka snatched a white shirt from its hanger and began cutting from the neckhole down the right shoulder until the sleeve fell away on both sides.

"Augh! My uniform!" Shinji cried.

Another glare halted any more outbursts from the Third Child as Asuka tossed the scissors back onto the desk. "Here, hurry up. When we go get my uniform I'll pin it back together. I'll have to do the same to mine and we'll just get new ones later."

Frowning, Shinji slipped the shirt on as best he could and buttoned it up over the shirt he slept in.

"We're going to stink all day without showers." he complained.

Asuka rolled her eyes, "You stink, girls smell nice regardless."

Shinji glanced at her, copious amounts of disbelief radiating from him in nearly palpable waves.

Unfortunately Asuka's glare held the disbelief at bay as if to say, "This is my reality and you're just a guest here."

Shinji thought to play the "Drunk Misato Stench" card but realized once more that he was handcuffed to the volatile redhead and would constantly be "within easy reach."

The business-like manner in which Asuka was presenting the situation made it easy for Shinji to ignore the fact he had been standing around handcuffed to a pretty girl in his underwear. It became apparent to him that they were both conveniently ignoring this fact to expedite their handling of the situation. With little effort Shinji was able to pull his pants on while Asuka suddenly found great interest in his poster depicting wonderfully large and succulant watermelons.

Just as Shinji finished putting on his socks Asuka was a whirl of motion again, yanking him from his desk chair and pulling him roughly over to the door. A quick look between door and frame was the only pause before the door was slid open and the two Children stalked quickly into Asuka's room.

A moment after the door had slid closed and Asuka was sure they were safe she immediately pulled a scarf from off her dresser and wrapped it around Shinji's head.

"Hey!" Shinji cried but the knot cinching the scarf over his eyes halted his protests.

"Stay quiet, keep your hands to yourself, and your life will end one second after that scarf leaves your face if it happens to fall off so I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it there." Asuka hissed into his ear.

"O-okay..." Shinji answered quietly.

Shinji could hear the rustle of clothing and A few snips of Asuka's scissors. He wanted to make small-talk... or at the very least ask again about what was going on but was far too meek to follow through with it.

A curious movement of his arm due to the handcuffs interrupted Shinji's thoughts. He knew where Asuka was standing and which way she was facing... after a few moments of fiddling at waist level Asuka pulled his arm up to around mid-back. Before he could do anything to prevent it his hand brushed across Asuka's warm skin, being dragged dangling behind her hand as it positioned her bra.

Perhaps it was the nearly intimate touch on the sensitive skin of her back, or the fact it happened while she was attempting to concentrate on and position her personal girly bits, whatever the reason... that touch sent Asuka into a paralyzed stasis.

Shinji, not quite realizing the significance of it just muttered a typical Shinji-like apology with a soft, "Gomen." then made sure to hold his hand away from her back. However, the damage was already done.

Shocked stasis: Over

"What... do you think... you are doing?" she snarled.

"Huh?" he replied curiously, "It was an accident, you pulled my-"

He was unable to finish his statement as Asuka lunged, attempting to give Shinji a sweet right hook. Asuka's fist tore through the air in a smooth arc. Sensing danger on a purely instinctive level Shinji ducked back slightly and Asuka's fist whizzed past his face close enough for him to feel the heat from her hand.

Asuka's momentum kept her turning and with a startled "Uwaaa!" she spun until her left arm pulled against the handcuffs tightly, causing her to lurch forward and roll, spinning, along Shinji's arm. Her right arm was caught between the two pilots as Asuka pinned herself to Shinji's chest.

The punch, subsequent duck on Shinji's part, twirling and lurching all combined to throw both Children off balance, but with only one arm free it was up to Shinji to make the impact as safe as possible. As he tipped back, with Asuka pressed close to him and his right arm pulled taught around her, he made a quick decision and wrapped his free left arm around the girl as well.

Shinji landed on his back with a loud THUMP, his surprised luggage cushioned from the fall by his own body. All breath was knocked out of him from the weight of the young woman landing squarely on his chest and abdomen.

Little orange and red stars danced for Shinji in the darkness behind his blindfold. For a moment he thought it was the ending to another strange dream...

Asuka, at a complete loss for words, stared cross-eyed at the point of the scissors which were a mere inches from her face. The scissors, which she had placed on the dresser next to them, had obviously fallen off from all the stumbling about and had come to rest open and leaning against the bed. One blade pointing directly at her face. For a moment Asuka was about to choke her housemate to death for putting his arms around her but she realized that if he hadn't...

She didn't want to finish the thought.

Quickly glancing down at Shinji's face, Asuka confirmed his blindfold was still on then squirmed and tried to assess the situation.

"B-baka!" she stammered fiercely, "Hey! Let me go, let me get up!" part of her wanted to lay into the pervert for holding her as he was but another part had already realized why they were in the situation they were in and it was getting harder to blame him for her own idiocy.

Shinji groaned and Asuka could see his head rolling from side to side slightly. Asuka bit her lip and squirmed more trying to extricate herself from laying on top of Shinji in such a manner. Her squirms became more insistant as she became aware of her mostly unclothed state and the intimacy of their hapless embrace.

"Baka!" She hissed again and shook herself slightly trying not to... rub... so much against Shinji in the process.

Shinji's left arm finally slipped from around her and she was able to roll off to her left side, unraveling herself from the coil their combined arms made around her. When she was finally out she quickly sat up and pulled on the shirt she had prepared before the little incident. Luckily it all transpired after she was able to put her bra on and WELL after the unfeeding and re-feeding of her bra strap to get her arm through. She shuddered to think what might've happened if that transpired with her even less clothed than she already had been.

While Shinji recovered Asuka was able to, with a stooped posture, get the rest of her uniform on without any more mishaps. She then used safety pins to keep their sleeves together. It wouldn't hold up under close scrutiny but would work temporarily. Just as she was finishing up it appeared as though Shinji was a bit more sentient.

"Feeling better?" Asuka asked curtly.

"Unh?" Shinji replied groggily, "What happened?" he asked after a moment.

Asuka smirked and thought to herself, 'Best thing that's probably ever happened to him and he completely missed it.'

Aloud, however, she just said quietly, "Nothing..." then after watching her roommate for a moment added, "Let's go get some breakfast."

Shinji glanced around with the blindfold on, "Hai..."

They stood and while Asuka worked on the knot holding Shinji's blindfold all she could do was shake her head. 


	2. Chapter 02

Eva Menagerie Special: Two of a Kind (Chapter 2)

Disclaimer: I don't own Eva, please don't sue.

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After a quick trip to the apartment's bathroom for some topographical grooming the two pilots finished up and stood staring at the toilet.

At the end of a long pause Asuka finally stated, "I-I can wait."

To which Shinji nodded quickly and added, "Me too."

Neither wished to think about what might happen if they were still in their current predicament when it came time to heed the call of nature. Just the flickering thought of it caused Shinji to once again wonder how they ended up as they were. He glanced sidelong at his attractive redheaded roommate only to find her still staring at the toilet.

'Why would she do something like this?' he thought to himself. It didn't make sense since she seemed as put out over it as he was... if not more so.

Asuka's voice brought him out of his thoughts with a start, "Quit staring at me, baka-hentai. We may be stuck like this for now but if I catch you taking advantage of it I won't hold back. Got it?"

"G-gomen..." he replied and quickly glanced away.

He felt Asuka's arm tense, it having tugged on the handcuffs and causing a little jostle up into his own arm. She hadn't said anything but Shinji got the idea she didn't care much for his apologies. She had mentioned on numerous occassions she didn't like when he did it. He glanced down at the handcuffs and let a normally repressed thought leak through into his consciousness...

'If it bugs her that much maybe she won't get quite as angry if I don't do it as often.' It went against his very nature to think that but with her being handcuffed to him he thought it might make life easier for both of them if he tried smoothing things over a bit. It couldn't be that hard...

Could it?

Lost in thought he docilely staggered behind the redhead as she opened the bathroom door and glanced out into the hall.

"You ready, baka?" she asked quietly.

Shinji nodded and replied with a quiet, "H-hai."

Before he knew what was happening Asuka had grabbed his hand in her own and pulled him out into the hall, dragging him out towards the kitchen.

In a just-barely-louder-than-normal voice Asuka called "Come on, you lazy hentai!" and dragged him into the kitchen.

After a quick glance Shinji noticed her deflate in relief and say a bit lower, "Good, she's not here." She then yanked him over to the counter, "Hurry up, we gotta get out of here before she wakes up and sees us."

Shinji nodded and started gathering things for breakfast. Asuka had insisted days ago for a western style breakfast on this morning so Shinji grabbed what he could with one hand and started arranging things within easy reach. Asuka saw what he was doing and to help hurry things along grabbed what was closest to her and set them out for Shinji.

"How do you want your eggs?" Shinji asked hurriedly.

"Scrambled, hurry up."

Shinji nodded and got things started. He worked pretty well being handcuffed to a volatile young german girl but said volatile young german girl was an impatient, volatile, young german girl and with every glance over her shoulder she tried spurring Shinji on just that much faster.

"Asuka!" Shinji hissed finally, "Unless you want raw eggs I can't GO any faster. They're cooking, I can't cook them MORE even if you want me to."

Asuka bristled at the tone of his voice but didn't want him wasting time apologizing or, heaven forbid, defending himself so just replied with a curt "Fine." and started getting the toast ready. She admitted to herself that he was right and she was just anxious.

Things were going well and the team had breakfast mostly done when disaster struck. With a butter knife in her right hand, Asuka watched as the toast popped up next to her. After a quick, "I'll get it." Asuka yanked her left hand over to grab the toast, however she had forgotten the tether it had on it and in so doing yanked Shinji's right arm with it.

Being right handed Shinji's dominant hand, which was holding the spatula, had just scooped a helping of scrambled eggs to place it on a plate. Asuka's grab for the toast pulled his arm with a snap which sent the heap of scrambled eggs into a tight arc straight into Asuka's face and hair.

Time stood still.

Uncharacteristically quiet, Asuka turned slowly to look at Shinji.

Shinji stood with his mouth open in awe, staring at the young woman next to him.

Asuka's voice was soft, too soft to be anything but intentional. The perfect way to hide malicious intent. "Shinji..." she started.

Faster than the eggs had hit her Shinji's free left hand snapped up holding a kitchen towel out to Asuka. His mouth still open, his apology was caught in his throat from sheer surprise.

A millisecond before his vocal chords unfroze Shinji was cut off.

"Thanks."

Shinji continued to stare, his apology dissipating. The fact he wasn't just pummeled within an inch of his life caused him to shut down mentally. A feedback loop was playing within his mind and while Asuka gingerly cleaned egg from her hair, face and uniform all Shinji could think was, "I'm still alive... I'm still alive... I'm still alive..."

The loop was terminated with a slap of the towel to Shinji's face. Asuka, having finished and finding Shinji staring at her again, felt compelled to put something between them. The egg speckled towel was the closest thing at hand.

Shinji snatched the towel from his face as he heard their guardian's door open.

"Uh oh."

Shinji wasn't sure who said it, but had no doubt it could've been both of them.

With a flurry of spatulas, knives, eggs, toast and butter the two handcuffed teens quickly put together the rest of the breakfast. With the distraction of Misato walking in on them at any moment both had reverted to a more natural, basic instinct. Their movements and thoughts, devoid of extraneous things, were strangely fluid and graceful, perfect testaments to their success in the synch training forced on them. On more than one occassion nuances of the synch training came into play. A plate making its way to where Asuka needed it precisely before it was needed, provided by Shinji. A knife handed to Shinji just as he opened his hand to retrieve one, provided by Asuka.

If either of them gave thought to it they might have been pleasantly surprised at their cooperation and teamwork. Instead, however, their minds were focused on not being caught attached at the wrist by their guardian, who was apt to use ammunition like this against them... constantly.

"Sit. Now." Asuka hissed as they brought the breakfast over to the table. With the loud clunking of two chairs Shinji and Asuka plopped into place at the table just as Misato rounded the corner.

"'morning guys." Misato greeted quietly, eyes still half closed.

"Good morning, Misato!" both Children replied brightly in unison.

Misato stopped and slowly glanced at her two charges. Shinji and Asuka sat straight and rigid with equally disconcerting overly joyous grins mirrored on their faces.

After a moment of absolute silence Misato continued towards the fridge and let out a quiet, "O-kaaaaaaaaay"

Shinji let out a loud "WHOOF" as Asuka elbowed him in the ribs. When he glanced at her her eyes were wide, attempting to communicate silently with him. After a quick mental checklist he realized what the problem was.

As Misato was turned away from her two housemates getting a beer from the beer fridge she heard, first a loud "WHOOF!" then what sounded like a dead body falling into her kitchen chair.

She glanced back at the duo and saw Asuka wearing her same bright grin, but Shinji had traded his happy demeanor for a somber, downtrodden one. A dark aura surrounded the young man and he stared into his eggs with a look so confounding it was as if there was no joy left for him in this world. No joy at all.

'That's more like it...' Misato thought. 'Man, he was creeping me out a second ago.'

"Itadakimasu!" Misato called with a smile after sitting down, which was echoed by an overenthusiastic Asuka and a darker than normal Shinji.

Misato set her beer down after a quick chug and yell, then hungrily dug in to her food.

With their linked wrists under the table and out of sight, Asuka and Shinji did their best to have a normal breakfast in front of Misato. Luckily for them Misato seemed to be more interested in gorging herself on their breakfast than in them. Which suited them just fine.

Shinji held a fork in his left hand and made a conscious effort to use it properly. It seemed to him that Asuka had it much easier, at least she could use her right hand. With a sigh Shinji dug in but time and again his food fell from his fork before it reached his mouth.

Asuka noticed Shinji's trouble and glanced at Misato. Since Misato was so intent on her own food Asuka thought she might be able to get away with helping Shinji a little. His unconscious whining was starting to get to her.

With a quick tug on the handcuffs Asuka got Shinji's attention. He glanced up from his food, a pathetically helpless mask over his face and saw Asuka motioning with her eyes at her own food.

Shinji blinked and glanced down. There, on her fork was a small bite of egg. Before he could glance back up to confirm anything Asuka, watching Misato for a chance, flicked the egg up at Shinji with hardly any movement except from her wrist.

In comedic slow motion Shinji saw the egg approach, turning and listing slowly in the air, but unfortunately his reflexes were comedic and slow as well. It sailed right past him and he followed it with his eyes. The smile he wasn't aware he was wearing slipped as the egg went right past him and plopped onto the floor near the wall.

Shinji, unable to voice his chagrine glanced back at Asuka with a perplexed look.

Asuka widened her eyes again and silently tried to berate Shinji for missing the food.

As if anyone could just catch food in their mouths in such a situation.

Shinji, meaning to give Asuka a firm "What the hell are you thinking?" look failed to convey his message and screwed up his face in such a way that Asuka took it as "Let's give it another try."

Asuka, feeling proud of herself for her benevolence, set up another piece and waited for Misato to be engrossed in her own food once more.

Shinji, out of Asuka's line of sight, went back to trying to use a fork with his off-hand. He slowly picked up a piece of egg and with a quivering hand brought it halfway to his lips before he saw another piece go flying past from Asuka's direction.

Startled, he grimaced as the piece on his own fork fell back to its resting place on his plate. He glanced to where Asuka's egg landed next to the first by the wall and his brow furrowed. He turned back to Asuka only to be met by another culinary projectile. This one, however, was aimed slightly better and for a moment he thought he might actually be able to get it. Completely ignoring the insanity of the situation he lunged forward and snapped at the piece of egg as it flew past. His aim was horrendous, however, and that piece too ended up populating the steadily growing pile by the wall.

Shinji, giving up on getting Asuka to stop, alternated between trying to get his own egg to his mouth and being distracted by Asuka's "help." Asuka also alternated between eating her own food and flicking pieces towards Shinji in hopes of feeding the little pervert so she wouldn't have to listen to him complain later.

As Misato ate and downed her beer the Children continued. Egg pieces ricocheted off Shinji's forehead, bounced from the wall, got stuck in Shinji's hair, but only one made it into Shinji's mouth. If not for quick thinking on Asuka's part it would have been the beginning of the end.

A surprisingly good toss by Asuka silently made its way to within Shinji's airspace. He saw it coming, having gotten accustomed to the timing, and opened his mouth. The angle was right but the speed was too fast and it was lodged deep into the back of Shinji's throat.

A quick "ACK!" and loud cough from Shinji called the girl's attentions. Not thinking, Shinji raised his right hand quickly and reached for his glass of juice. Asuka's hand, attached as it was, wasn't ready for the movement and didn't clear the edge of the table. The table jerked into the air with a loud WHAM! as Asuka's hand slammed into it, which was followed by the place settings and utensils clattering back down after the table settled once again.

Misato watched the Children as Shinji wheezed and gasped and Asuka whimpered, tears coming to her eyes.

"Are... you two ok...?" Misato asked, full of concern.

Right hand once again stored safely under the table Shinji waved his left and said, "Fine! Fine!" between gasps, then snatched his juice and downed most of it.

Asuka caught her bottom lip between her teeth with a grimace etched into her features, then after a few seconds bit out a pained, "Just fine."

Misato glanced sidelong at them for a moment, curiously watching them resume their eating before going back to her own. She kept a suspicious eye on them but Asuka was already on high alert.

Silence reigned for a moment as Asuka stared at Misato.

Finally... Asuka spoke.

"You know, Shinji broke your ceramic owl lamp."

Shinji stared at Asuka, dumbfounded.

Misato blinked, then anger descended on her face like an avalanche, "He what!?"

Misato shot up, knocking her chair over and stomped out of the room furiously. "He better not have!" she called.

Asuka grabbed a confused Shinji and yanked him out of his chair, heading towards the front door. Shinji stumbled after, stammering but was outclassed by the rampaging redhead.

"Shoes. Bag. GO!" Asuka commanded as she handed the items to Shinji. He took them numbly and let himself be ushered out the door by Asuka after she retrieved her own.

Back in the apartment a calm Misato walked back out of her room into the living area and said confusedly, "I don't have a ceramic owl lamp." 


End file.
